by CHICKMELIONfreelance
Single parenting is not easy and we all are fully aware of this. This role is not solely reserved for parents without a spouse, it is shared with parents whose spouse’s jobs keep them away from their families for extended periods of time (for what ever reason.) The hours are long , frustrations tend to mount up quickly and help is quite often few and far between because of inaccessibility, unavailability or cost. However those who know better and are more than willing to criticize your single parenting inadequacies are many. Therefore I, being a former single parent would like to offer all of you individuals struggling to raise children alone these 4 mantras of wisdom totally free....
1) Never go to the washroom until they are the age of 5 at least!
Ok this may sound a little overkill but for good reason. We all have to ”go” sooner or later and if you were like me, you would keep a small crack open in the door as a compromise between a false sense of humility and the need to supervise your now semi-unattended child. Now if your child is anything like mine they too will be working their own learning curve... waiting for such opportunities to test some theories out they have been stewing and brewing over in their heads. They may even have learned by now that they can extend their testing theories somewhat by working in relative silence.
A theory my child decided to test while I was occupied was to peanut butter the dog. Now I am not sure if this was an artistic expression he was going for, or if he just wanted our black lab to be a golden retriever instead. I suspect it had something to do with the funny expressions a dog can make trying to cope with peanut butter on the roof of their mouth... and if one dab was funny, imagine what a dog smeared nose to tail would produce. It would take a few years before I myself saw the humor in this. I am still amazed how quickly they can work at testing their theories as opposed to cleaning their rooms.
(On a side note: It may make perfect sense to want to take the mess outside to minimize damages and use a hose to clean up with... I thought so as well! I do need to point out though that peanut butter and cold water do not play well together!)
2) Never Assume!
Oh wow, this is a big one and it took a few unusual twists in one incident to bring this concept into clarity for me. My child was gaining independence and his independence was growing quicker than his body was. Soon enough this conflict will come to a head. It occurred on a pleasant winter evening... when we needed to get a jug of milk before the store closed. It was a quick five minute walk to the store and I figured the fresh air would help encourage sleep time. I put my foot in my winter boot and I pulled it out immediately because my sock was soaken wet. I am confounded! How did this happen? I did the smell test and it reveals to me : human urine.... say what?
Here are the assumptions I erroneously made:
-I assumed he had no issues making it down the hallway from the kitchen to the bathroom...wrong! This day he suddenly developed a fear of the shadows.
-I assumed he would ask for help with the light switch which was just out of reach....wrong! He can deal with this on his own... just not the way any one else might think of dealing with the identical situation.
-Ok! I assumed he would deal with it somewhat rationally... Well it is all up to who’s definition of rational he was using. He didn’t want to have an accident, having conquered mastery over the porcelain bow, which was where he was heading in the first place! He creatively thought of the nearest containment unit that would satisfy all the issues on the table.... which of course was...my boot! Again somehow he neglected to tell me.
3) Do not let them make lunch for you until they can at least reach the counter.
This will ensure the use of some rational assemblage of lunch materials. Because once made, you are faced with a predicament.. You would like to encourage selfless and independent behavior there fore you must at least taste the offering. I was handed a peanut butter, mustard and cheese-whiz sandwich and luckily it wasn’t too bad.
I knew this because I did the dog test first.... hey what ever the dog is not willing to touch, it is just not safe. (We are talking a dog that got into the garbage regularly.) Fostering selfless behavior aside, I needed to survive the lunch in order to continue to care for my child. I was a single parent after all!
4) Never ever refuse their dandelions!
Every spring through summer on an annual basis a daily offerings of wild flowers would lay on my kitchen table... root, dirt and all. There would even be the occasional earthworm or beetle heading for cover. I got to tell you, I treasured each and every gesture of his attempt to show me how much he loved me. Now that he is full grown and on his own, someone else gets those flowers now. Yet it is those flowers I remember the most... not all the incidents, close calls, or trials... no those became folk lore told today to make us all smile, (because I find in time I can manage to smile about them; no harm ... no foul.) My kitchen table lays clean and bare. What I have now are memories of how we survived together ALONE. All the heartaches, worries and frustrations of trying to keep one step ahead of the game alone have now become fond memories and tales for grandchildren. The times I thought I would never survive single parenting...I did! You will too!. So when anyone down the road who tries to lead you to believe that they as parents never ate humble pie, know in your heart that are leaving out some details and losing out on some wonderful tales down the road..
