What does a lolly-pop, a condom and a battery charger have in common?
by CHICKMELIONfreelance
I’m going to give you a few minutes to think about it, while I recount to you an amazing tale of survivability amid a mountain of bad press and monumental lawsuits. Yet with face lift after face lift the heroine of this tale is still showing up to the ball and turning heads. It helps if you are an “addictive” little beauty as our heroine is. Yes she’s been around for a while and everyone knows her. Like her or not you do have to hand it to her though, she certainly has mastered the fine art of durability by mere evolution.... ”Nicotine” is her name.
How long ago was it that we all knew just one side of her? Rolled up in paper and set on fire. Yes generations would savor her addictive nature, telling tales of how luxurious she made them feel. How grown up and sexy! But as anyone will tell you, once you reach fame... someone’s bound to throw salt on your game.
Photographs started circulating recounting her ugly side, investigations mounted up to prove her destructive nature. Tangled in a legal web one would expect this lady to lay down give up the ghost; but not our dark angel. She just did what any savvy glamour girl has done time and time again... she reinvented herself to stay one step ahead of the law.
Her public relations gurus spun a different feel to her persona, one more altruistic in nature showing compassion for those unsatisfied with their relationship with her. She was willing to offer herself up to help anyone who was just plain hooked on her and wanted to get away.... (but just couldn’t..) If the sage advice often says, “chew gum to kick a habit,” well she was willing to lay herself down to be that gum! Long gone behind her are those who can complain of having to endure her personality unwittingly and unwillingly. No second hand relationships here! She is now exclusive to her fans with an entirely new set of sensitivities to quiet any angry mob of publicity hounds. Or is she?
Candy is sweet, but better yet are her treats! She remembered the days when children adored her and used to buy a pack of “cigarette candies,” pretending to blow elegance into the air as a thin seductive ribbons of invisible smoke? Now days she is not above monopolizing on the nostalgic and satisfying not only the behavioral aspect of attempting to quit her (the need to hold her between the lips) but will take anyone who is willing to a more carefree time in their lives. A time perhaps when one did not need Lady Nicotine’s calming soothing effect but wanted her anyway. Ah remembering childhood! Thanks to her ingenuity and marketing tact, back again are the joys of giggling over a candied product pretending to be something it is not. Yes, I’m talking about nicotine candied Lolly-pops spiked with up to 6mg of her seductive punch.that will have anyone standing shamelessly among their friends (perhaps vibrating a bit) and still enjoying her company without being shunned! Each treat offering sumptuous flavors such as: strawberry, watermelon, lemon-lime, raspberry, grape, cherry, butterscotch and spearmint. She always a good hostess, treating her guests with irresistible flare!
I do however hate to burst anyone’s bubble though, but you have to know that when you revert to your childhood, someone’s just got to step in and rain on your parade. Feeling obliged to regulate like a parent; the FDA with the law as their possy put the ‘suckers” behind lock and key! As the saying goes, “suck it up lolly-pop” these spikes treasures are now prescription only! Sooner or later the relationship with the sweet treats will be forced to an end, even worse by another persons decision!! It hardly seems fair.
Pardon my French... but Lady Nicotine must have felt like she was being violated in some way, because she was compelled to fly in the face of these critics and offer her exquisite taste in the form of a prophylactic. Yes my dear, I said it... a condom! Perhaps to prove to the critics that their views of her toxic personality is not entirely a widely held universal consensus. I could go on about how this may leave a bad taste in the mouth, but you be the judge.
A manufacturer in India (Hindustan Latex) are launching a new condom designed to evoke the bitter taste of tobacco during intimacy. There is no need to stop for a smoke now. Yes indeed this concept puts a whole new spin on smoking in bed. All the while gaining yet more publicity points for the guest of honor by proxy, our dear Lady Nicotine. Or shall we now call her Madame?
She’s saving lives, and may a street workers in India has to be grateful to her for her fine taste; which test studies show will induce them to use a condom just for the sheer satisfaction it adds to the job. It seems that test studies indicate that prostitutes would be most gracious in caring for their own health with the flavor of Madam Nicotine’s coaxing. Now the company ran a “taste” test with sex workers including prototypes of bananna, strawberry and even chocolate, but hey the tobacco flavor topped all. And you can’t knock our Lady for doing her civic duty.
She's a lady of the times! One of the endearing things about her, is that she has her hands not only on the pulse of time but on the pulse of her admirers also; quite literally. Now she can super charge and stimulate that rush of adrenalin and double time their heart rate, just as long as one remembers to plug in the battery charger. Yes, though she’s not quite gone online yet ( though give her time)... she is a progressive minded lady going high-tech electronic!
This is a brash and bold move for her. A kind of stand tall and face the storm sort of attitude. And as a reward to the faithful who refuse to abandon her and her pleasurable effects; hand in hand they will mock the “second hand” (or should I say third wheel) “nay sayers” jealous of their relationship and loyalty to each other. Maintaining their true form our Lady and her exclusive fans are united again in “E-cigarettes”style. Via a battery powered device that looks a lot like a cigarette, but is smokeless, delivering nicotine from a cartridge to a small vaporizer. With a $100.00 cover charge to set up, she will entertain her loyal subjects at $1 dollar a day (to get the same amount of nicotine as one pack of cigarettes.) and all will live happily ever after.
Or will she. Don’t look now Lady Nicotine, but you have lawyers on your tail.. Oregon Attorney General has in mid August, gone to court to block sales of electronic cigarettes made by a Florida company. they allege that there were false claims about the nicotine proponent, and suspected as well to be targeting children with sweet flavors such as bubble gum and chocolate. No doubt these are the first of an endless chain of nay-sayers rallying against our fair lady.
Oh no! Here we go again. This sounds awful familiar; and I am almost scared to watch what Lady Nicotine has up her sleeve this time as a rhetorical pun on this latest attack of character. Yet I am also on the edge of my seat with intrigue, because we all know she is far from ready to go down for the count.
By the way my dear lady, while you have the sleeve rolled up any chance you might be up for inoculation? There’s one in the works which if successful will allow smokers to immunize themselves against cigarette addiction. Apparently the treatment is designed to block nicotine from reaching the brain, making it theoretically easier to give up. Is it too early to mention the possibility of side effects? Perhaps just for the moment it is inappropriate to pre-judge whether the cure will be as toxic as the addiction, but there is no doubt that this saga will continue on. As we all now well know by now... our dear Lady Nicotine is a survivor.
