The Low Down On the Down Undies
by CHICKMELIONfreelance
We have come a long way since the origins of simple woven loincloth. Our burdens with uncomfortable, oversized and over heated underwear our great grandmothers had to endure seemingly dissolved with “the vote.’’ Opting for more comfortable styles, we then further “liberated” ourselves to express our femininity and sexuality and perhaps as some say sacrificing comfort again for the evolution towards the G-string of today. Our intimates were all about expression and comfort until the scientists came. Yes...invite a few scientists into any mix and now we’re talking a whole new boudoir! Here’s five ways the scientists plan to mess about in your underwear drawer.
1...Surf and turf.
We are truly living in a disposable world, apparently right down to our knickers. Yet on second thought there are some very practical applications for disposable underwear. Aside from the convenience factor the manufacturer’s claim in relation to travel they do provide a sanitary and comforting option in disasters and emergencies. Remember your mother telling you to wear clean underwear in case you have an accident and have to go to the hospital? Well toss that saying out the window, because now there is no reason why hospitals can not comfortably restore your dignity with these affordable disposable alternatives.
In addition, what survivor of a natural disaster deserves to wear hand-me-down underwear because that was all that was available? After the Katrina aftermath, this alternative may have the Red Cross thinking about these products! They were passing out medical attention, food and comfort... yet fresh underwear was seemingly overlooked and a priceless commodity for anyone involved.
These alternatives average around a dollar a piece, and you can purchase them in a variety of styles: classic briefs, bikini briefs, boxers and hey they even come as ankle socks too! Touted as natural, breathable and cool: this earth friendly bio-degradable garment is made of light weight, soft, breathable cotton. And if the frugal side of you kicks in, they can even be washed a few times. There are not hard at all to find, there are a few North American outlets you can purchase them from, just search for “disposable underwear” on the net.
2...Save energy, wash them once a month.
Yes, you heard me correctly and once you get over the “yuck” factor, again in retrospect there are indeed some very practical applications. I am talking to any of you ladies who has ever had to open a gym bag for the first time in who knows how long. You are going to be grateful for this type of fabric invention whose prototype by the way, was tested on the space station and kept on the butt for 30 days with no foul complaints. After all anti-gravity and dirty knickers just don’t mix. I am talking about a new anti-bacterial underwear called J-wear designed to keep foul odors at bay as well as repel static and wick away water. It leaves a girl to wonder what former space station visits were actually like to necessitate such a specialized invention. Manufactured by the globally based Toray Industries Inc and currently not on the “in-this-world” market just yet, but you know it is coming soon.... maybe just in time for the next Olympics, where the fabric’s wicking attributes will be well needed!
3... They are our friends.
We would highly doubt that our intimates are anything but our nemesis every time they “ride up” on us and we find ourselves squirming in our chairs uncomfortably; however nano-technology laced undies provides a claim as “girl friendly” briefs able to rub away body fat quite literally. Teijhn Fibers Ltd. has invented a polyester called Nanofront(TM) originally designed to polish industrial tools. This same fabric also claims the uncanny ability to buff away unwanted body fat as well! Say what?
The company claims that, “the texture feels soft to the skin, and reduces irritation drastically. It is suitable for a variety of applications, including functional sportswear, inner wear, skin care products, antibacterial filter, precision grinding cloth, etc.” (Only a scientist would feel comfortable clumping those attributes together in one sales pitch without batting an eye.) Teijin makes further claims that in test studies, people who have worn the Nanofront(TM) underwear for 40 consecutive days have experienced lowered body fat by several percent and consequently a reduced waist size by serval centimeters.
All giggling aside, this fabric has pretty amazing attributes. A single strand of this fiber is 7.5 thousand times smaller than a strand of hair, yet the unevenness of the fiber’s surface generates a greater friction allowing for very little slippage or movement. Your briefs will be staying put! Nanofront is also 200,000 times more flexible than regular polyester fibers and it has excellent cooling properties, as well as it absorbing and diffusing perspiration quickly. Now we’re talking girl friendly underwear, pass the nano-briefs please... but skip the bra, I need to hold onto what little I have, thank you!
4...Saving you on nail polish.
Moving onto an underwear of a different kind yet no less frustrating; our scientist friends may have the solution in the works to deal with those pesky runs in the nylons.
Who hasn’t silently pursed their lips when a fingernail ripped through a brand new pair of stockings being pulled on and were forced to dab on nail polish in hopes of halting the run. We could only pray at that moment that it wasn’t our last pair! Wishing there would be a more durable nylon that was still lightweight and comfortable. How does a self repairing material sound?
It is not on the market quite yet, but it is showing some surprisingly positive results in the lab at Washington and Lee University in Lexington, VA It comes in the form of a poly(ethylene-co-methacrylic acid) copolymers (EMAA). In simpler terms it is a plastic and relatively cheap to produce, with this unique and exciting ability to heal itself. This plastic holds the potential for revolutionizing the way materials are engineered for different applications and it is fast stuff, quicker than you can whip out a bottle nail polish. Scientists tried to capture the healing process using a high-speed camera, but the event happens almost instantaneously. Aside from nylons, (which is at the moment low on the priority scale) there is an interest in this fabric being incorporated in space technology, and bullet proof jackets as well.
5...Tights on a different scale.
As if nano-fabric, self healing polymers, and anti-bacterial threads weren’t enough a technological wonder to get any girl’s head spinning, how about a fabric that emits infra-red rays that reduces cellulite? I bet that has your eyebrows raised! And this marvel is on the market right now, but is such a hot commodity you had better cross your fingers it is not sold out at the moment. These intimates are called Scala Bio-Fir leggings, (they also come in pants) and currently sold at John Lewis who reports that the anti-cellulite pants sold out within 30 minutes of going online.
The Bio-Fir hosiery is said to have the capacity to smooth out orange peel skin. It’s scientific explanation goes as follows: the fabric contains crystals that emit infra-red rays and once they come into contact with the skin these infra-red rays induced an increase in the metabolism in the skin cells by warming them up. This creates an increase in the blood flow in the skin which in turn causes the fat layers that make up the cellulite to melt into a liquid, which the body can eliminate. The leggings are claimed to be most effective if worn for six hours a day for a continuous 30 days.
Now as winter approaches, there are some ladies in the north with a big smile on their faces at the moment. I am not sure how you ladies of the south are going to take to such a product though. There is no end to the suffering and endurance required in the name of beauty, is there?
Indeed, science has come a long way with practical applications for textiles of today. It is equally amazing that in their pursuit of aerospace advancement and artillery protection, that they have not forgotten the finer things in life as well... us ladies and our intimates. Which just proves that we do fit quite high on the priority scale, and one might be able to argue that as long as we make our voices heard, it is no longer a man’s world.
